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:iconsorren-chan: More from Sorren-Chan




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April 8, 2012
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          INT. INCHEON INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, KOREA

          Various shots of around the airport. Shots of families
          saying goodbye to their love ones as they depart on a new
          journey, flight attendants getting ready to go to work,
          people buying souvenirs last minuet at airport duty free
          shops.

          A.J, a long blond haired girl with freckles stands beside
          her father, a tall dark brown haired man. A single suitcase
          on the ground and a guitar case standing leaning next to it.

                              A.J
                    Ah sure am gonna miss ya dad.

          A.J's father holds onto his daughters shoulders, looking
          into her dark brown eyes. Tears begin to form in his own
          eyes, his face filled with pride.

                              JOSHUA WHITE
                    Dammit Julia, yer gonna make me
                    cry. C'mere you.

          Joshua pulls his daughter in close, a few tears escaping his
          eyes. A.J's eyes dart around to all the onlookers.

                              A.J
                    Dad, people are starin'.

                              ANNOUNCEMENT
                    Flight A103 to Toronto, Canada, is
                    now boarding. All passengers please
                    proceed to gate 3.

          A.J pulls away from her father.

                              A.J
                    Mkay. Well. Ah'll call when ah
                    land.

          She smiles, pushing a strand of her blond hair out of her
          face, her facial expressions soft and loving.

                              A.J
                    Ah love ya dad.

          Shot of A.J walking away, leaving her father behind.

          EXT. OVER AN OCEAN SOMEWHERE

          Shot of the plane, Korean Air.

                              A.J
                         (Internal Monologue)
                    The name's Anna-Julia White. But ah
                    hate my full name. Only my mom
                    call's me that, but then again, we
                    don' exactly get along at the best
                    of times.

          Various shots of around the plane: flight attendants taking
          care of the passengers needs, meals being served, A.J
          looking out the window.

                              A.J
                         (Internal Monologue)
                    But that's behind me. My life in
                    Korea, heck, before Korea, it's
                    over. But for the better y'know.

          CU of A.J looking out the plane window.

                              A.J
                         (Internal Monologue)
                    It's time to start the School of
                    Dreams!

          EXT. TORONTO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

          Aerial shot of the airport, with planes lading & taking off,
          people working.

          INT. TORONTO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

          Full body shot of A.J walking around the airport, a guitar
          case strapped to her back, dragging her luggage in one hand,
          holding a paper in the other.

                              A.J
                    Take bus 3 at the exit, subway line
                    4 & walk 20KM and turn... right Ah
                    got this. IAU here Ah come!

          Various shots of A.J taking the bus, subway & walking.
          During these scenes, there is a 'voice over narrative
          bubble'.

                              A.J
                         (Internal Monologue 1)
                    International Art University, AKA
                    School of Dreams' is a top notch
                    art school in Canada dedicated to
                    all thing's art, and Ah mean
                    everythin'.

                              A.J
                         (Internal Monologue 2)
                    Anyone who want's ta be anyone in
                    any form of art is goin' ta be at
                    that school. Photographers,
                    dancers, sculptors, ya name it,
                    it's there.

                              A.J
                         (Internal Monologue 3)
                    And at the end of every year, the
                    graduatin' classes all work
                    together an make one massive
                    production.

          Shot of A.J walking down a crowded street, the International
          Art University can be slightly seen in the distance.

                              A.J
                         (Internal Monologue 4)
                    But only the best of the best get
                    chosen to do the feature roles.

          CU of A.J with a big grin.

                              A.J
                         (Internal Monologue 5)
                    An' Ah'm gonna be the writer whose
                    song is chosen.

          EXT. INTERNATIONAL ART UNIVERSITY

          Panoramic shot of the massive school, A.J standing at its
          gates. LABEL: SCHOOL OF DREAMS.

          Shots of around the school. A.J walks into the courtyard.
          The court yard is filled with students; some playing with
          their instruments, others talking amongst themselves, some
          even sleeping under the bright sunny sky. Some students are
          like A.J, just arriving with their baggage still in hand,
          looking for their dorm. 

          Mid shot of A.J, whose face is in a big grin as she looks
          around. In the BG a spiked blond hair boy is seen about to
          trip. The boy wears his shirt untucked, his jeans ripped in
          various places and faded.

                              A.J
                    School of Dreams! Here at-

          A.J is cut off as the blond hair boy falls over, taking A.J
          with him.

                              BOTH
                    Ooof!

          The boy gets up, dusts himself off and holds out an empty
          hand towards A.J.

                              BOY
                    My bad! Haha.

          A.J accepts the help offered and picks herself up.

                              A.J
                    Nah, it's alright'. Was in the way
                    anyway.

                              BOY
                    Nice accent you got there.
                    American?

                              A.J
                    Yeah, uh, Louisiana.

                              BOY
                    Gesundheit.

          A.J gives the boy a quizzical look. The young man then
          proceeds to pick up the papers A.J was once holding in her
          hand and hands them back to her.

                              A.J
                    Thanks. Say, would y'all happen ta
                    know where the girls dorm is would
                    ya?

          The boy rubs his hand in his hair.

                              BOY
                    There's a path at the end of this
                    courtyard. Take a left and it's the
                    first building you see. Can't miss
                    it!

                              A.J
                    Thank ya kindly.

          She turns to leave and begins to walk in the direction she
          was told. The boy looks at her in the BG, waving his arm.

                              BOY
                    Hey, what program you in?

          A.J turns around and proudly responds.

                              A.J
                    Literature!

                              BOY
                    Awesome! Maybe you'll be writing my
                    songs! I'm in the vocal program!

          Semi CU of A.J with a smirk and a wink.

                              A.J
                    Yer's an' everyone else too!

          Shot of the blond haired boy, a goofy grin upon his face.

                              BOY
                    Ahh I can see myself going for a
                    girl like her.

          A slightly taller male walks up next to blond hair boy and
          puts his hand on the other males shoulder. The brown-haired
          boys well kept up appearance a contrast to the boy with the
          blond hair and messy clothing.

                              BOY 2
                    I might have only seen the back of
                    her, but I'm sure she's out of your
                    league Mark.

          Mark shoots the new boy a dirty look.

                              MARK
                    Shut up Derek!

          INT. UNIVERSITY GIRLS DORMS

          A.J is walking down the hallway, pausing every now and then
          to look at the papers in her hand.

                              A.J
                    South dorm, room 25.

          She looks and to her right, noticing the number 19 and going
          up.

                              A.J
                    Down the hall it is!

          INT. UNIVERSITY GIRLS DORMS

          A.J comes to a corner dorm room, the wooden door proudly
          bearing the number 25. The door is slightly ajar and a soft
          humming can be hear on the other side. With a look of
          curiosity, A.J knocks on the door before slowly opening it
          and looking inside.

                              A.J
                    Uh, hello?

          Over the shoulder shot of A.J, revealing the room. The room
          was a fairly sized room, with two basic twin beds, one on
          the left and one on the right wall. There was two desks at
          the back of the room & a private bathroom in the back of the
          room. To right side of the room was occupied. A Japanese
          girl with dyed red hair and a scar on her face sat on the
          right bed holding a small box, humming quietly to herself.
          Startled by A.J's hello, she jumped slightly. She then
          looked up at A.J with a curious look on her face. Softly,
          she smiled, her head slightly tilting to the left. She
          speaks with a thick Japanese accent.

                              JAPANESE GIRL
                    Hello?! Can I help yo-?

                              A.J
                    Hey. Boy Ah sure am tired.

          A.J drops her bags at the bottom of the empty bed and the
          face plants with the soft mattress. The Asian girl looks
          slightly confused. She places the box on her bed and leans
          forward to talk to A.J.

                              JAPANESE GIRL
                    Um... I take it you're my new room
                    mate?

          A.J replies with a muffled voice, for her head is still
          buried in her new pillow.

                              A.J
                    If this is yer room, then yup!

          She turns on her side and looks at her new room mate.

                              A.J
                    Whoo whee this bed is super soft
                    compared ta my bed back home! Say,
                    ya'll wouldn' happen to be Korean
                    would you?

                              JAPANESE GIRL
                    No, I'm Japanese actually.

                              A.J
                    Ahh. Too bad. Ah dunno any
                    Japanese, 'cept sayonara.

          The other girl smiles.

                              JAPANESE GIRL
                    It's OK, most people think I'm
                    Chinese anyway. My name is Minami
                    by the way.

          Minami holds out a hand.

                              MINAMI
                    Nice to meet you roomie!

          A.J sits up to face her new room mate. She leans forward to
          take Minami's hand.

                              A.J
                    Nice ta meetcha. Name's A.J.

          A.J get's up off the bed & looks around the room.

                              A.J
                    Well. Best way ta get used to the
                    new timezone is ta go an' get
                    registered early. Yup.

          Minami tilts her head curiously.

                              MINAMI
                    Time zone? Where do you come from?

                              A.J
                    Korea!

          And she leaves the room as Minami speaks.

                              MINAMI
                    Korea? But your accent-?

          She looks at the empty doorway her new room mate had just
          disappeared behind.

                              MINAMI
                    Well, that was rude.

          EXT. UNIVERSALITY COURT YARD

          A.J stands in the middle of the courtyard looking in all
          direction, lost in finding her destination.

                              A.J
                    Ah think Ah shoulda taken a map
                    with me or sumthin'.

          A well-set girl approaches A.J from behind. She has black
          hair and red streaks, up in a messy ponytail and wears
          glasses.

                              NEW GIRL
                    You look lost, did you just arrive?

          A.J turns to face the new girl.

                              A.J
                    Yeah, Ah just got here an' Ah have
                    not the slightest idea on where-

                              NEW GIRL
                    Just got here? I bet you need to
                    register!

                              A.J
                    Yeah I do. Do ya-?

                              NEW GIRL
                    Come with me! I can show you where
                    to go! Name's Mandy Finnegan by the
                    way. You should come hang out
                    sometime, you look like you like to
                    party.

                              A.J
                    Ah, uh, k?

          Mandy proceeds to drag A.J away from the courtyard.

                              MANDY
                    C'mon this is the School of Dreams!
                    You look way too lonely. I don't
                    want you to feel alone, so lets get
                    you some friends! I want you to
                    meet my boyfriend Tyler first
                    though, he's in the photography
                    program. He's waiting in line to
                    register, so we can meet him there.

          Mandy continues to drag a confused A.J along, dodging other
          students as they walk.

                              A.J
                    Um...

                              MANDY
                    What program are you in by the way?
                    I'm in the literature program on a
                    scholarship. So watch out, I'm
                    going to get that top spot in the
                    year end performance.

                              A.J
                    Ah, uh, wha-? Um, Ah mean,
                    literature.

                              MANDY
                    Literature eh? You sure sound
                    literate. We'll work on that.

          Slight aerial shot of the courtyard with Mandy leading A.J
          towards the registration office.

                              A.J
                         (Internal Monologue)
                    It was then Ah knew, it was gonna
                    be one heck of an interesting time
                    here in Toronto. An this was only
                    the beginning.

                           ----END CHAPTER 1----
*Edit* I've changed some things in the story, to make it flow better. Also, I've changed the school from a university to a college. So, I removed some things, added some others. In some chapters, not much changed. In others, lot's changed-ish. So if you could take your time to re-read it & critic it, I would love it! Let me know what you think, good or bad! Note that I'm keeping the name IAU for now until I can think of a better name. It might have 'University' in its name but it's no longer a university. *End Edit*

IMPORTANT NOTE: The preview image is of A.J, drawn by the ever most awesome *milkydayy. It's part of a commission I asked him to do of both Mina & A.J together (you can see part of Mina's dyed red hair to the right). ORIGINAL DEVIATION: comm: like sisters by milkydayy Like what you see? You should probably commission this deserving artist. You wont be disappointed.

A little about the story:

A.J White has always been sure of herself; knowing what she wanted to in life and who she was. But after a night of bonding with her roommate Minami, the head strong girl begins to question herself. With this new strong friendship formed, will their relationship turn into more than just friends? Will the world accept them?

VOLUME 2:
Chapter 8: Minami - New Discoveries fav.me/d5s3voe
Chapter 9: A.J - Moonlight Date fav.me/d5thiqn
Chapter 10: Minami - The Voice fav.me/d5ve5wy
Chapter 11: A.J - Spiritual Awakening fav.me/d6hi6kh
Chapter 12: Minami - Aggressive fav.me/d6u19nz
Chapter 13: A.J - Interruptions fav.me/d6z9dd4

VOLUME 1:
Chapter 1: A.J - School of Dreams (HERE!)
Chapter 2: Minami - A Friendship is Born fav.me/d4xy5t7
Chapter 3: A.J - A New Day fav.me/d4y4czz
Chapter 4: Minami- Writing on the Wall fav.me/d4z9zlg
Chapter 5: A.J - Day Dream fav.me/d50kzgq
Chapter 6: Minami - It Begins fav.me/d52lfdl
Chapter 7: A.J - On the Dance Floor fav.me/d5bxkkm

-----

Here it is! The first chapter in 'South': University of Dreams! I wanna know what you think, good OR bad. But don't just say it sucks, let me know why, so I can improve on it. There's some parts I think can use some work so I might go back & try to fix those. So, here's the first chapter for your reading pleasure. More info on the school & it's programs & a whole bunch of things will be explained in time in other chapters.

Remember, each chapter in the book, will be in the view of each main character. What I mean is, one chapter from A.J's point of view, the next Minami's, then A.J, then Minami & so on.

Oh yeah, this is going to be made into a comic at some point. But I'm not entirely sure on how to write scripts for comics, so I'm writing it in film script version for now, but you get the gist of what's going on.

PS: The university's name is a work in progress. Im not sure if I like it called International Art University or not, but its sticking there till I can think of something better. And believe me, this was the best I could come up with so far. If you have a better idea, let me know! The school is in Toronto if that helps. University of Dreams is the schools nickname in case you want to know.

PPS: A bit more info can be found in these two journals here: fav.me/d4su6mr & fav.me/d4t157p

Story© by Sorren-Chan
Comic artwork© by *ryuuen
Preview artwork image© by :iconmilkydayy:
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The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconcrush-groove:
Crush-groove Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013   General Artist
Im not sure if starting with the departure from the air port is a good idea, it doesn't seem necessary.
For me I think a shot of the plane and the arrival at the airport would be enough, just a thought maybe she could be listening to music and writing lyrics on the plane to connect with your theme, because i thought it dragged a little at the start, I also think starting at the arrival of the plane would add impact to her stating she is from Korea, rather than seeing korean air on the plane, because i thought it was quite an intriguing hook, having a southern accent and all. I think the premise of the story is good so far, maybe give a little info on what genre it is, comedy, drama, slice of life etc. I cant really say much more, good luck with this, and please feel free to disregard my ideas, i tend to just write what im thinking at the time, again good luck.
Reply
:icondulcistrado:
DulcisTrado Featured By Owner May 6, 2012
Not normally the kind of thing I would read, took me a few paragraphs to get interested. In my head I'm visualizing your comic and I think it'll work really well.
Reply
:iconsorren-chan:
Sorren-Chan Featured By Owner May 8, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Thats for reading anyway :)
Reply
:iconlytrigian:
Lytrigian Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
What is this supposed to be? A story? A teleplay?
Reply
:iconsorren-chan:
Sorren-Chan Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
It's going to be a comic. Well, right now it's just in script form. The catch is that I don't know how to write comic scripts, so I'm writing it the only way I know how, film script format. My artsit is *ryuuen so when he finishes drawing a complete chapter, I will post all the pages in a flash file here so all can read it in one shot.

A bit about the story (Though this part isn't posted anywhere yet, except for right here for I'm still working on making it sound good):

A.J White has always been sure of herself; knowing what she wanted to so and who she was. But after a night of bonding with her roommate Minami, the head strong girl begins to question herself. With this new strong friendship formed, will their relationship turn into more than just friends? Will the world accept them?
Reply
:iconlytrigian:
Lytrigian Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Just wondering. I was considering giving a critique, but I'd approach it very differently depending on what you intended it to be. (As a story -- that is, story as literary form, not in the general sense -- it's a disaster, but a comic script is another matter.)

There is no standard comic script format, but examples are not hard to find on the web. (Try [link] for starters.) Normally, the writer conceives of the story in visual terms along with the dialogue, and then conveys her conception in written form to the artist. Since the page and the panel are the basic units of a comic, the script is written per visual page with the action described panel-by-panel as well. As this is not, it's going to be rather difficult to visualize. Other than that, you can't go TOO wrong by using a screenplay format. It's one of several usual methods. All you really need to do is break it down by panel and page.

For film you have the advantage of continuous movement. In contrast, a comic is a series of freeze-frames. You need to specify exactly where in the action each panel is frozen so that the artist knows what to draw. You do that some of the time, but not others, and since you delimit neither panels nor pages it's not always clear what you have in mind. You can leave it up to the artist if you want, but in that case you might not get what you expect.

How much visual detail is written in, and how much is left up to the artist, varies considerably and is something you'd work out with the artist.

An exception to the above is the "Marvel Method", where the writer develops an outline, and much of the rest (including even some dialogue) is left to the artist. But that can't be done in a screenplay-type format, and you really need to be working with the artist physically present.
Reply
:iconlstjules:
lstjules Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
1st comment. Booya!
Sorry, took a long time until I started to read it. I wanted to make sure I have the time to give my full attention and that I had the attention span longer than a goldfish which is most of the time.
Good news from a Non-Reader. When it comes to me and reading, if you don't catch me on the 1st paragraph or 1st page....you lose me forever. I lose complete interest and it's a lost cause. BUT!!!! Your story kept my attention, I can easily picture everything you wrote and I'm interested to learn about the 2nd part. There are no slow dragging non-related parts. The 1st part sets the story nicely, get to know the players and what not.
So, I'd give two thumbs up for this 1st part. Keep it up! Going to read the 2nd page now. :D
Reply
:iconsorren-chan:
Sorren-Chan Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Woe thanks for the awesome comment ^^ Glad to see someone is reading. I can't wait till my artist begins make his magic happen & draw it in comic form. Once he;s all done with the first chapter, Im putting all the pages into flash & having it interactive so you can go forward & backwards to view all the pages. It;s gonna look awesome! Also, could you do me a favour? If ya have time, when you read, critic away! I want to make this as awesome as I can make it ^^ So dont be shy! Glad to see you liking it though. Thanks for reading! ^^
Reply
:iconlstjules:
lstjules Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Sure. I'd be honored to critic it. I have someone like that for me as well, and she does a fantastic job...which reminds me that I have to revise my Chapter 2 again .
Reply
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